Michael J. Seidlinger

C&C: What do you have in your pockets?

 A tattered notepad full of various thoughts and ideas that, at the time of my writing, seemed to be worth jotting down but more often than not the ideas are scribbled out. Not that the handwriting is very legible anyway. Hmm, what else. Phone, not a smartphone; I’m too poor for that. A wallet with no money in it. Same reason: poor. A lighter in the event that I have something to smoke. Keys because we all carry keys even if we don’t know what they’re for. And… yeah, that’s about it.

C&C: Do you wear shoes in the house? Why or why not?

 Nope. It’s probably due to the way I was raised. We never wore shoes in the house. The house was always clean, with some sort of order. Very homely.

C&C: Who do you fight??

 Myself? Words? I fight to stay awake. I fight to stay interested in what’s around me. Other than that, I’ve fought a few people in the ring with boxing gloves and weeks/months of training. A number of rounds to make a statement or to KO the other guy.

C&C: I cheated and read an interview with you – you say you can never relax. This makes us very good friends automatically, as I can never relax either. What are some of the ways you’ve TRIED to relax? Jig-saw puzzles, vivisection, coffee, yoga, etc.

 I’ve tried thinking of nothing – getting all Zen – doesn’t work. I’ve tried staying up until I’m beyond exhausted… doesn’t work. I end up staying up all night into the new day. By then I’m wired and tired. But still no relaxing. I’ve tried long walks, which works surprisingly well; I’ve tried extensive exercise, but that just makes me tired. I’ve tried liquor, but that’s a temporary kind of relief because inevitably I end up fighting back the groggy feeling post-inebriation with whatever I have on my plate to finish. Like right now, I’m writing this after a number of drinks and having completely sobered up and yet I feel a need to answer these questions.

 Coffee is effective until enough caffeine gives me that rapid jolt of upbeat energy. Umm. I think the long walks and casual exercise proved to be the most effective.

C&C: Can you dance?

 No, but we can pretend that I do.

C&C:  Ooooh, what dances do you pretend to be able to do? The running man? Crumping? This pretend-dancing interests me. What is your bad dancing like?
My pretend-dancing knows no bounds. I can dance any dance, many of them haven’t yet been invented yet but, guess what? On the imaginary dance floor, I’m inventing 10 dances a night. My bad dancing consists of average to below-average slow dancing and pretty much nothing else. After a couple pre-teen mishaps, I discovered I couldn’t keep up to any beat faster than the ballad. I was a mean mosher back in my late teens, though. Nowadays, the only dancing I do is the occasional dance of the shadowboxer.
C&C: Did you have super hero underoos as a small child?
Hmm. I’d most likely say that I never wear underwear but, as a child at least, I was familiar with the joy of wearing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles pajamas. Does that count?
C&C: Who was your first crush?
Ah, you just had to ask. I’ve had quite a few crushes. I mean, who doesn’t? Unless you’re completely heartless, you tend to find something attractive in another human being. Many of mine begin and end without any pursuit. Its typically something I like about how the person carries herself, the way she half-grins or talks about something she adores. In the case of crushes, I’m more quantity over quality. At any given point in time, there’s probably someone I could fall for. I’ll settle on one that happened during the tail end of high school.
She didn’t have any of my classes and she didn’t go to my school. Rather, she worked at a nearby pharmacy, one of those CVS/Walgreens kind of places, and she was slightly older than me. Probably a year into college. Predictably, I noticed her while picking up something unimportant after school but after I knew she existed, I made a point to show up every day and buy… something. I went through a wide range of snack foods before trying cigarettes just to get to talk to her for more than a few seconds. The only reason I ever bothered smoking cigarettes was to talk to her. Kind of unusual now that I think about it. Anyway, like most of my crushes, they never amount to much. By the time I even thought about asking her out, she had quit her job. I only had a first name, Monica, and so there wasn’t anything to do. I didn’t want to ask any of her former colleagues because that would be too weird.
What a waste, now that I think about it. She was quite the bubbly and intelligent type. Hey Monica, are you out there?
C&C: How did you get into boxing? Was there something specific that made you want to put on the gloves?
I tried other martial arts before I got into boxing. Combat is deeply rooted into my childhood. I always watched kung fu flicks, played fighting games, and practiced various martial arts. I attended Tae-Quan-Do up to purple belt, I believe, and afterwards, I bought a lot of different VHS Sambo training videos.
When I was 19 or so, I gave boxing a shot and got more and more into it. It definitely fit my needs for trading punches and evading danger. A brush with mortality. It reminds me that I’m alive and that I won’t always be so lucky.
C&C: Are birds evil? Do they want to bite you, like ALL of them, do you think? I think that.
If we are talking about women, as in that term nobody uses anymore, then I’d say that birds may in fact be evil but I love evil and I’m more than willing to play with evil.
If we are talking about actual birds, I’d disagree. Birds are, at most, misunderstood. They are prey animals after all. They do what they need to do to survive. Ever talked to a parrot or watched a crow carefully wait out its victim? There’s an eerily high degree of intelligence in such a small and compact skin.
Animals, birds, other human beings, etc… I’d like to think they like me. If they want to bite, it’s only to get my attention. I never bite back.

One response to “Michael J. Seidlinger

  1. Pingback: At Curiouser and Curiouser, the Time Flies…. « Miss Ohio

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