C&C: Do you have favorite fairy tales? Tell me about them. You write some lovely twisted ones, how interested are you in old fairy tales?
In most any fairystory I read there is something that amuses me, especially the Grimm collection as they’re all in German (I read both collections in the original language). I hate it how most people don’t have a clue about fairytales these days — at least not how they were meant. When Disney decided to childify their stories because it was cruel to show children a witch dancing in iron-hot shoes until she died, most of the fun was gone. Everyone — including me as I just mentioned them — always thinks of Hans Christian Andersen or the Grimm brothers when fairystories are concerned, but my favourite ones are written by Aimee Bender. Compared to the classic ones, those by Bender are written an awefully lot better.
[misspelling of awefully is intentionally, by the way]
C&C: What is your favorite undersea creature and why?
I don’t much care for underwater creatures, there’s a reason why they are underwater and I’m on the land. If I were meant to care for them, I would have been given gills. I don’t see the point in most animals anyway. I mean, take an hippopotamus. What can you use them for? I couldn’t care less if they’d get extinct. Hippos smell bad, are aggressive and are really inconvenient to put somewhere with those big arses. Of course, I know why you ask this question and you want me to say the octopod, but they’re not my favourite no more they’re not. As a matter of fact, I will never write about them hideous eight-legged freaks again even though I know all about the existence myths.
C&C: Have you ever seen a baby hippo swim? I think you would feel differently about them if you did. Here is a video. Wach it and tell me how you feel about them after.
Still rubbish. I really don’t see why people get all worked up over a bunch of animals, especially if they are cute baby ones. Dogs are decent animals, the rest can be used to feed on.
C&C: What do you have in your pockets?
I’ll give you three guesseses.
C&C: Are left-handed people smarter than right-handed people, and why?Please explain, with references.
I know Craig Wallwork is right-handed, so I guess that takes down the average level of intelligence of the righties by a fair bit.
C&C: How do you feel about Batman?
If he wouldn’t wear knickers over his tights, he would be quite all right. Though what makes Batman interesting is the villains of course: Joker, The Scarecrow, Poison Ivy, Bane, Deadshot, Harley Quinn, Two-Face. I was going to buy Batman shoes, by the way, but no one was willing sell me a pair.
C&C: When is your birthday?
My birthday is October 31st and September 19th.
C&C: Recently you and your brother met for the first time. Can you tell me anything about that experience?
Eddy decided to come to Amsterdam and even though I hate that rotten place, I went to meet him. It was a peculiarly bright day. It must be the two of us radiating awesome. In the end, it was rather disappointing because Eddy and I agree on pretty much everything there is to agree on. It was still all cakes and ale in the end of course. I can’t tell you much about what happened as most of the time was spent plotting how we’d take over the world. For the rest we talked about literature and gossiped about people we both know, mostly you though.
C&C: When you met Eddy, would it have been better if you’d gotten into an instantaneous fistfight, and all those around you had started fist-fighting (like that X-Files Fight Club episode), or was it satisfying to sit in the sunshine, making the day brighter, and talk about me?
Don’t be silly, please. Eddy and I would never fight. And may I say that your spelling is atrocious?
C&C: Have you ever wanted to punch a child?
I’m a teacher. I want to punch children every day.